Friday, March 25, 2016

It's been a fairly uneventful week, although there have been a few new developments.

I had an ultrasound done Wednesday morning, still no change. I had asked the MFM to request a consult with urology or nephrology that morning, and the urologist showed up that afternoon. We had a decent talk. The assumption is that my fluid disappeared because the baby's kidneys have probably both shut down and he's not producing urine anymore. That's a really frustrating thing... We were hoping that at least one of the kidneys would be functioning well enough to avoid dialysis for at least a little while after he's born. Honestly, we have no idea what the outcome will be at this point. We don't know if his lung development has been affected by the lack/loss of fluid, we don't know if the kidneys are functioning at all, we have no idea what his status will be once he's born. He could come out screaming and peeing, or he could need a ventilator and have zero kidney function... It's all just speculation until he's actually born.

Wednesday evening, Gary was able to leave the kids at home with his mom and come visit me alone. He brought Olive Garden, and we had dinner outside. It was a nice break, and nice to have a 'date night.' Around 1am on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, they finally had a single room open up and were able to move me. It's been pretty nice having my own space. I don't have to share a bathroom with anyone, which is awesome. I painted my nails, because I don't have to worry about bothering anyone with the smell. I have a window to look out of, and I don't have to worry about being too quiet when people come to visit.

I did make friends with the lady who was on the other side of my last room. She got a single room that same night. It's so nice to have someone to talk to who is in a similar situation. Someone who 'gets it' and understands all of the stresses of being here away from our families and other kids, leaving everything to our husbands, worrying about our babies...

I started having a pretty rough time yesterday afternoon, and pretty much cried all night and most of the morning today. It's just so frustrating being here when I feel fine. I know why I'm here, I understand that this is the best thing for the baby, that this is where I need to be in case something happens. But knowing that is one thing... it doesn't mean that it's not ridiculously hard being here. I'm getting so frustrated with the constant monitoring. I feel claustrophobic, tethered to the bed. I can't get comfortable, because if I'm not in a certain position on my back they can't pick up his heartbeat and I get nurses in here poking around, moving the monitor, trying to find him. I'm not able to sleep well, if at all, because of that, and it's making me even more cranky and emotional than normal pregnancy junk.

I had another ultrasound this morning. There's still no fluid. At this point, I'd be shocked for them to do an ultrasound and say that they could see any. The MFM came in while the ultrasound tech was here. He looked at the scan and said that it's weird that the kidneys aren't as echogenic (bright on the ultrasound) as they have been in the past... He asked how I was doing, and I told him I wasn't so great. He asked what was going on. After talking to me for a few minutes and looking at the history on the monitor, he decided he was comfortable changing me from constant monitoring to just one hour every six. That was a HUGE relief. I can actually sit up and do things. I can get up and walk around. I CAN SLEEP FOR SIX STRAIGHT HOURS IN ANY POSITION I WANT!!! That was such a relief!

Gary, Lisa, and the kids came to see me tonight. They've had a busy week, and it was nice to see them and catch up a little bit. When Ezra saw me, he ran full-speed right at me. That was the best hug pretty much ever! I love being able to snuggle with them! They brought Panda Express for lunch. Any food that's not hospital food is amazing. It's already starting to get old. Gary brought the stuff he's bought for the Easter baskets, and I get to put them together, and they'll come here Easter morning after dropping Lisa off at the airport. I'm so glad I get to be a part of things. And that's Ryker's birthday, too, so I'm excited to spend part of the day with him. Maybe I'll send Gary to get a cake or something :)

All in all, I think I'm doing ok now. Much better than I was this morning, anyway. Baby's good. Gary's handling things at home, and I don't have to worry about that. I'm learning to let go, and let him do things his way. Definitely looking forward to getting home though. At some point in the next few months...

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